By Sherman N. Peabody
O'Keefe was selected by a blue ribbon panel of high-profile
conservative closeted homosexuals headed by former Idaho Senator Larry
Craig, who announced O'Keefe as the winner at the prestigious Valdosta
Chamber of Commerce and Men's Bathhouse. Appearing at the podium with
his faithful and loving wife, Suzanne, Craig noted O'Keefe's
contributions to the conservative movement in the field of journalism,
and, "...his ability to seduce, uh, women at the tap of a toe. That is
what my loving heterosexual wife- with whom I have a happy heterosexual
marriage and enjoy much gleeful heterosexual intercourse involving fuzzy handcuffs, recording devices and the music of Alicia Keys- tells me."
Former conservative closeted homosexual and Congressional
Representative Mark Foley, who served as the chairman of the Cohn
Award's panel from 2003 until 2006, was enthusiastic over Mr. O'Keefe's
selection. "Twenty-six is a bit old for my tastes, but when I picture
him in a Congressional pages outfit or thong underwear, the years just
wash away." Foley added that he has, "...many Alicia Keys cds, my own fuzzy
handcuffs and a sex taping machine."
"I invite Mr. O'Keefe to pay me a visit the next time he's in
Florida- he can tap my wires any day," said Foley, referring to Mr.
O'Keefe's recent brush with the law in Louisiana, in which O'Keefe was
arrested for suspicion of wiretapping Senator Mary Landrieu's office.
O'Keefe later plead guilty to the lesser misdemeanor of Criminal
Seduction, admitting that he was attempting to overwhelm the Senator's
sense of propriety by planting recordings of Alicia Keys in the
O'Keefe, 26, a native of Bergen, New Jersey is the youngest winner of
the Cohn Award since then-outgoing Senator Phil Gramm, aged 60-years at
the time, was presented the award in 2002.