Friday, October 8, 2010

O'Keefe Named AoS 'Hunk of the Year'

By Sherman N. Peabody

Valdosta, GA-  Ace of Spades, the on-line blog for conservative closeted homosexuals, announced today that it has named bad boy 'gotcha journalist' James O'Keefe the recipient of its annual Roy M. Cohn Sexiest Man of the Year Award.

O'Keefe was selected by a blue ribbon panel of high-profile conservative closeted homosexuals headed by former Idaho Senator Larry Craig, who announced O'Keefe as the winner at the prestigious Valdosta Chamber of Commerce and Men's Bathhouse. Appearing at the podium with his faithful and loving wife, Suzanne, Craig noted O'Keefe's contributions to the conservative movement in the field of journalism, and, "...his ability to seduce, uh, women at the tap of a toe. That is what my loving heterosexual wife- with whom I have a happy heterosexual marriage and enjoy much gleeful heterosexual intercourse involving fuzzy handcuffs, recording devices and the music of Alicia Keys- tells me."

Former conservative closeted homosexual and Congressional Representative Mark Foley, who served as the chairman of the Cohn  Award's panel from 2003 until 2006, was enthusiastic over Mr. O'Keefe's selection. "Twenty-six is a bit old for my tastes, but when I picture him in a Congressional pages outfit or thong underwear, the years just wash away." Foley added that he has, "...many Alicia Keys cds, my own fuzzy handcuffs and a sex taping machine."

"I invite Mr. O'Keefe to pay me a visit the next time he's in Florida- he can tap my wires any day," said Foley, referring to Mr. O'Keefe's recent brush with the law in Louisiana, in which O'Keefe was arrested for suspicion of wiretapping Senator Mary Landrieu's office. O'Keefe later plead guilty to the lesser misdemeanor of Criminal Seduction, admitting that he was attempting to overwhelm the Senator's sense of propriety by planting recordings of Alicia Keys in the Senator's office.    

O'Keefe, 26, a native of Bergen, New Jersey is the youngest winner of the Cohn Award since then-outgoing Senator Phil Gramm, aged 60-years at the time, was presented the award in 2002.   
 

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