Sunday, October 10, 2010

Scientists Discover 'Winemuffs'

Find Correlation Between Boxed Wine and Tone Deafness

By Sherman N. Peabody
Madison, WI- The findings of a joint study conducted by the Department of Audiology of the University of Wisconsin-Madison and the Department of Psychiatry of McGill University (Montreal, QC, Canada) were released today , directly linking the cumulative effects of the consumption of boxed wine by humans to an inability to hear dog whistles.

"Entering the data collection phase of the study, " said Dr. Donald Olson of UW-M, "we weren't sure if wine-related tone deafness was determined by the aural environment- such as exposure to loud, whining talk radio programs  or the volume of jukeboxes in taverns- or from a wine-induced drunken state, or a combination of those factors. But we stumbled on to something a bit unexpected."

"That something being," added  Dr. Francis X. Dion of McGill,, "that one need be neither wine-drunk nor exposed to an environment  reverberating at excessive decibel levels to lose the ability to hear a dog whistle."

"There was a certain case study that demonstrated that there is a cumulative effect of drinking boxed wine on the anterior frontal lobe rather than the temporal lobes, which normally handle the auditory functions," said Olson. "That's when I contacted Dr. Dion."

"When I first saw the brain scans of that subject, whom we refer to as Ann A., who regularly consumed boxed wine, though she wasn't drinking at the time of this particular interview, and the critical thinking tasks being performed during the scan, I thought 'C'est craquƩ! How is it that this woman could not hear the dog whistles?'," said Dr. Dion, "It was so obvious! Further study showed us that Ann A. is an outlier in the study, but it was she who made us at McGill to join the study."

After further study, the team of scientists found that some groups tend to be more at risk of losing their ability to hear certain tones. "It looks as if Caucasians between the ages of 40-90-years of age are more susceptible, especially those who also feel an affinity for tea," said Olson.

"Mais alors, we should note that the test subjects may simply have been dishonest in their answers," added Dion.

The methodology and results can be read at the Daily Racing Form.

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